Control & Where Your Energy Is Going
One of the most overlooked parts of performance, wellbeing and resilience is energy. Not just how much you have, but where it’s going. You can wake up rested, motivated and ready to tackle the day, only to feel completely drained by lunch time. Often, that’s not about how much you’ve done, it’s about what you’ve been focusing on.
When you’re overwhelmed or stuck in your head, it’s common to hear people say, “I feel like I’m all over the place.” That’s not just a throwaway comment. It’s a real signal that your mental energy is being spread too thin across things that might not even be yours to carry.
It might sound obvious, but most of us forget that not everything we think about deserves our attention, and not everything we try to fix is within our control.
Let’s look at how to get clear on that and what you can do to bring your energy back to where it matters most.
The Three Circles of Control
One of the simplest but most effective ways to understand control is through something called the Circle of Control model. It’s not a new concept, but it’s one I come back to often with clients because it helps cut through the noise and put things into perspective.
Imagine three circles. At the very centre, you have your Circle of Control. These are the things you have full power over. Your actions. Your effort. Your words. How you respond in a situation. This is where you can directly influence outcomes. It’s the most productive place to invest your energy.
The next circle is your Circle of Influence. This includes things you can’t fully control, but you can impact. For example, how someone else feels after speaking to you. You can’t dictate their emotions, but the way you listen, communicate or support them can influence the outcome. This circle is important, but it still comes with limits and it requires you to respect the line between your input and their responsibility.
Then there’s the outer circle. This is your Circle of Concern: The news, other people’s opinions, government decisions, global events, even what strangers think of you. You have zero control here and very little influence. But this is often where people spend the most time and energy. Doomscrolling, ruminating, worrying about things they cannot fix, and unsurprisingly this is where burnout starts to build.
The Drain of Misplaced Energy
When your attention is pulled into the outer circle, you’ll start to feel overwhelmed, anxious or stuck. That’s because you’re giving your limited mental energy to things that don’t move you forward. They just keep your system in a state of stress and uncertainty.
The thing is, your brain doesn’t always separate between “real” danger and “perceived” stress. So if you’re constantly focused on things you can’t control, your body stays on high alert. That takes a toll. You’ll feel more reactive, more fatigued and less able to manage what actually needs your attention.
Over time, this can erode your confidence too. If you feel like nothing you do makes a difference, you stop trying. But in reality, it’s not that you’re not capable, it’s that your focus has shifted away from where your power lives.
Bringing It Back to Centre
The most useful question you can ask when you feel your stress rise is this: “Is this in my control?”
If the answer is yes, then take action. Even a small step. Doing something within your control helps you feel more capable, grounded and focused.
If the answer is no, then ask: “Is this something I can influence in a helpful way?”
If so, approach it with care. Do what you can then let go of the outcome. You’re not responsible for everything, and trying to carry what isn’t yours will only deplete you.
…and if the answer is no to both then it’s time to release it. That doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’re choosing to protect your energy and redirect it where it can have a real impact.
That’s not avoidance. That’s wisdom.
Why This Matters in Everyday Life
This framework isn’t just for big decisions. It’s for the everyday pressures that build up. You’re stuck in traffic and running late, you can’t control the road but you can control your reaction. Your colleague is in a bad mood, you can’t control their behaviour but you can control how you respond. Someone says something online that winds you up, you can’t control what they post but you can choose whether to engage.
Each time you choose to stay centred, you reclaim a little more of your energy. That’s energy you can then invest into meaningful work, relationships, rest or recovery. Over time, this has a cumulative effect. You become more focused, less reactive and better able to handle pressure.
The Role of Coaching
A big part of my one to one coaching work is helping people identify where their energy is leaking and bringing it back into alignment. When you can see clearly what’s in your control, what’s just noise and where your time is best spent, things get easier. Not because life changes overnight but because you start showing up differently.
Coaching isn’t about giving you more to do. It’s about helping you simplify what already feels complex. It’s about building systems that fit real life, not perfect conditions. And it’s about supporting you while you take the lead, not just cheering you on from the side.
If things have felt heavier lately or you’ve found yourself worn out by things that shouldn’t feel this hard, take a moment to ask yourself: Where is my energy going? Bring it back to what’s yours. That’s where progress begins.
Ready to Get Clear and Take Action?
If this has struck a chord with you and you’re curious about how one to one coaching could support your focus, energy and performance, I’d love to hear from you.
Reach out for a free chat and let’s see what’s possible. You don’t need to do it all, you just need to start with what’s in your control.
